BBQFail

As this is supposedly a site devoted to beer, bacon and bbq, I figure it is time to kick in the BBQ part of things. Sadly, I have to start with what I can only call the worst restaurant food experience of my life. Review-wise, there is perhaps little I can add to what Mrs. Ohabeer said in her Velvetottoman review of Giffy’s. Instead, I am going to use this abysmal dining experience as a starting point for discussing my BBQ philosophy.

Quick Giffy’s background: we were making a pilgrimage to PJ’s BBQ in Saratoga Springs, NY and noticed a highway sign for Giffy’s and filed it away for future reference to visit. Then we saw Giffy’s had been chosen as a finalist on the Regis and Kelly Hometown Grilling Competition. Now yes, I know that should have set off alarm bells, but it was more the news report reminding us we had not gone than the idea they were Regis and Kelly approved. Had we slept in late that fateful morning, we could have spared ourselves the pain of a Giffy’s meal,

Let me make this clear: Giffy’s is not BBQ. BBQ has a respect for the meat. I believe anyone who feels the need to smother their meats in a sickly gloopy sauce of high fructose corn syrup, ketchup and liquid smoke had no BBQ skills and even less right to call their food BBQ. To that end, I refuse to call this the worst BBQ I have ever had because – quite simply – it is not BBQ. It is – regardless of label – dreadful and a meal I regretted even 2 days later. It took that long for the memory of going WAY out of my way to go to Giffy’s for something akin to a fast food interpretation of BBQ (though really that last phrase is a bit of an insult to fast food joints).

In my opinion – and really that is all anyone has when discussing food – BBQ is not about some sickly sweet sauce and meat obliterated beyond recognition. Seriously – I should be able to tell the pulled pork from the pulled beef. I should be able to find the bone divisions in a 1/4 rack of ribs without it being obscured by some low quality over corn syrup “sauce” (an insult to BBQ sauces in general) that most likely came from a mass market food distributor in a giant drum marked “BarBieQue Sauce : Keep out of reach of children”. Ribs, pork and beef – the holy BBQ trinity. Not a single one done with any skill or finesse, but if they were that finesse drowned in a massive wave of absolute crap “sauce”.

Now before someone chimes in with the St. Louis ribs/ Southern BBQ Chicken defense, let me say – if done properly – sauce can be a great ingredient in BBQ. I personally believe it to be a condiment to be added by the diner and not the pitmaster. Nonetheless, there are fine BBQ recipes that use sauce as a finishing glaze that is then caramelized in the final minutes of cooking to create a sticky crust. There are three very important elements to using sauce like this: quality sauce and the skill to know when and how much to add.

Giffy’s lacks all three.

A comment left by “Matt” at the Velvetottoman review of Giffy’s states “You should have had the half chicken”. Well, we had a quarter chicken and were thankful for not having more. Poorly grilled poorly executed version of a Cornell chicken, it also lacked any real skill or imagination when it came to real BBQ. On the other hand, I did not venture all the way to Clifton Park to have a fricking half chicken. It did not say “Giffy’s Half Chicken O Rama” on the sign. It said “Giffy’s BBQ” and to me that is just simply false advertising.

You will find absolutely no BBQ at Giffy’s. Do yourself the favor – stay on the Throughway, head to Saratoga Springs and go to PJ’s. There you’ll discover what actual BBQ is all about.